Small-Time Band Tries Out Big Time Names

Small-Time Band Tries Out Big Time Names

Eric Torres, Eddie Albert, Timmy Alvarrez and Stephen Ellis have been a band for over three years. However, you’ve probably never heard of them. Not because they don’t put in the work or that they don’t do shows. They perform six nights a week, sometimes twice a night. You’ve probably never heard of them because they have yet to settle on a name.

“Originally, we tried Heart Murder, but we kind of sucked and got a bad reputation,” Albert explained. “We got a little better and called ourselves ‘January Johns.’ That caused a lot of confusion. From then on out, we just changed our name every gig, hoping something would stick.”

“It’s hard to develop a following when people don’t even know the name of the band they’re looking for,” said the groups ONLY loyal fan, Kim White. “They’re awesome. They just need to pick a name and stick with it. My favorite so far was ‘Johnny Crappleseed.’ But, the next week they switched it to ‘Dream Ride,’ which is just an AWFUL band name.”

Other band names tried out by the group have included, but are not limited to: Alan Ricketts; Learjet and the Fart Makers; The Queen of England Sucks; Playing Goldeneye as Oddjob; and The Crusty Socks of Justice.

When reached for comment, Eric Torres simply said, “Look for us at The Charter House on March 15th. We’ll be playing as ‘Donnie Trejo and Marie Antoinette.’”